Shark Tales!
by Vernon682
Summary: Shark Tales can revolve around anyone so the setting is misleading. the first massive crossover is also sheer crack! will get a plot eventually. will help you save money on car insurance as well! just read with an open mind and have fun! OC.OOC. Extreme violence.
1. Chapter 1

a completely random happened. The renowned champion of cyrodiil was running up to the river, deciding that there would be more stuff to do in skyrim. upon reaching the river he took his best jump, and a shark wearing cool ass shades jumped out of the water! and bit his balls. "GAH! this.. ohhhgre. why the balls?". "Manson" said an unfamiliar face, "your an idiot. there's a perfectly good bridge here, but you HAD to just make a big show and jump across the river! You could've been on the other side by now ya dumb bastard!", it was the man whom would in 5 days time be known as the great dovahkiin. the dragonborn. for now he was known as Drage profeterte-jeger. in a twist of fate meaning what he was destined to do. he inquired that his crazy friend go to a doctor before he bled to death. and the shark? he swam away..

and appeared before Sephiroth. "A mere shark tries to fight me. how pathe-OH!" Sephiroth had just gotten his head bitten off by a shark with shades so cool they'd probably end the multi verse if they where any cooler. As Cloud entered his destined battle zone, he didn't see his foe once in the entire crater. only seeing a shark swim away.

after swimming away, the shark found himself in Florence, the shark soon found his target, a middle-aged man about as tall as Squall. the man as talking to a few of his people, the easiest prey so far, the shark- "I have a name, a Damned cool name! Zacarias of Atlas." uh. the, shark introduced? "Hey!" a guy asked "Did I just hear Ron Pearlman?" "Ron Pearlman? That guy who narrated the fallout games? and 1000 ways to die?" the shark looked at the narrator, and willed him out of existence.

A Few days later,

Snow had JUST gotten used to the idea that some people can and will tear his skin off just by looking at them the wrong way. and he had gotten killed, by Kratos' preferred method of simply ripping him apart. everyone respected Cloud, Squall, everyone! even Sarah, his own wife! never got killed yet. although that would change soon enough. as Kratos and Serah had never crossed paths before.

The incident happened a few days after snow got violently and horrifically ripped to shreds. when the god of war had found out about self moving seats in a self-propelled car. he went in the... thing Kratos called it. he heard someone call it a bus. he had got on beside another woman. overhearing her name was Claire he was just minding his business. when he felt like he was being watched. "huh." provoking more attention unintentionally. "ugh." "huh." "what?" Kratos was now getting VERY pissed off. "what!" "WHAAAT!" He snapped, losing control of his anger. "whatdidido!" "STOP STARING AT ME! GOD DAMNED LOAD OF SHIT!" he then grabbed Serah's head and slammed it against the railing "Oh gods! you just brained my sister! Oh gods!" "GHAA!" AAGH!" "AGHAGH!" after 5 seconds of continuous screaming Kratos declared "THIS IS MY STOP!" he then got up and walked off leaving Claire to shudder out "ooh Jesus Christ!". on this day she knew true fear. and realized that she'd have to clean up the mess he made with her sisters brains.

Author's note: FINALLY! Shark Tales is off the ground and in the air. this will be something where I put down whatever hits me right. A truly MASSIVE crossover, including every game i can think of. it will likely be updated every week or when I feel fit. it is also readable.


	2. Chapter 2, The reveal of ASSHOLES!

"MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the dark prince of atlas. "Thanks for ruining my entry asshole!" uh. sorry? "Whatever, I am the dark prince of atlas!" "And I am Rodrigo Borgia!" hollered Borgia. "I AM SHINRA!" Screamed Rufus. "Who are you? and why do you scream so loudly? Can't you see I am trying to be EVIL?" The dark prince scowled. "Yes I can! I just wanted to tell you that the fatso from Cocoon can't make it. Mr. Whatshisname." Rufus had just revealed that that guy-who's-name-I-forget had been killed. "'T'was a cheery Night, on a prophesied day, all heroes flock to atlas to take the 3 evils down.' If your implying that he is dead. then I'm screwed.". all of a sudden, a guard came up and Screamed " Agh! the Assassinos are here! the, they ripped Johnny's head off!" "then I shall confront them myself!" yelled Rufus, Really? "Really! you dumb bastard narrator! I am shinra!". He walked out to get torn into 10 bajillion pieces of gore. after the assassin left they revived Rufus and came up with a plan. " We shall form our own group!" yelled the dark prince, being stupidly fond of yelling.

"What, are we talking about? a new face asked. "And WHO are YOU!" asked Borgia, "You may call me Blaire! BLAIRE VHERESTORM! The second!" as a dramatic lightning bolt struck from behind him, another bolt was looking for a place to expend his electrons, and found Blaire suitible, to say everyone laughed would be an understatement. Blaire Walked up to the prince, Blackend with soot, Forshadowing a stupid dumb fate of randomness. "I know about all the chosen ones. A vault dweller's psycotic ancestor who as stood up to hell dozens of times, a Cocoonian or whatever you call those idiots whom has previously served as a guinea pig of fate before, an ancient assassin who moves like a wolf and strikes like a Jet, with him determining his own planets future, and a war hero who ended a catastrophy, nuff said. if you let me join you I shall tell all I know." "Niice! but how do I know if you're EEVIL enough?" the dark prince was worried that he was'nt evil enough. "I pureed 14 babies and sent them to the whole planet, blew up an orphanage, killed Dundee, and Gave the middle finger to a box of kittens." Blaire proudly boasted.

"wow, that is pretty evil! I mean, the cat thing made it for me! just the icing! you're hired. now, what shall we name our coalition?" The prince was lost in thought and was getting concerned with lunch. when he said," Say we are awesome right?" Everyone nodded "We do take sadism to new levels, and we are the devils spawn,and leet! I've got it! the Awesome Super Sadistic Hellspawn Of Leetness and Extra Specialness!" the princes brilliant plan was reworded by Borgia and Blaire facepalmed. "Uh you want to call us the 'Assholes'?" "No! the Super Sa-" "I know!" Shinra, who remained quiet since his laughing spree got a board that show that the initials are indeed ASSHOLES. "Well. that settles it! we are the ASSHOLES!" the prince walked to the edge of mount doom and bellowed "Watch out silly vault dude, dumb cocoon person, and old foolish assassin and military dude! we shall kick your asses to high hell if we ever come across you!" after that epic boast he got shot in the balls and he fell off the cliff.

Author's note: another chapters up! with a story too! and review please! I don't own anything on paper, Blaire himself was thought of by richard micheal alvarez.


	3. Chapter 3, New Tales! New Idiots!

"Aw crap!" hollered a highly recognisable character. "What is it now? some dumb cat?" asked yet another legendary character. "It's Spider-Man!"the person screamed. "Nice. say Venom, how about we pound the crap outta him? It's what we usually do." "Try. we try to do so, but I usually end up as splatter, and you, Sandman, should know that the last 3 or 4 fights have been by a lake. he goes by the edge, you charge him, he dodges, and you end up as the spectacular Mudman for a week. Oh. Crap." as Venom felt fear for the 3rd time in his life as Venom, he wondered why he took the form of a ... Silly... monster thing. because now he was up against a sEEdy characterGhahah! damn I'm good! "Dude, that was terrible." squall uttered before zerg rushing the both of them, and going to the store for shoe polish specially formulated to remove ass smell. Yes. He literally kicked that much ass for his shoes to smell of web, roses, angst, more angst, wangst, bangst, sand, and symbiote. He headed off to find who hopefully could turn out to be his soul mate. on Playstation home. He only found guys pretending to be girls.

Connor woke up sitting against a wall with a traffic cone on his head, he wondered where the other assassins went when he thought he saw one, and almost got shot in the face. he fled the area, only to find that he was being pursued, by a moron in a.. thing, yeah a thing. that's what went through his mind before getting the living shit knocked out of him, what really knocked him out though, was his traffic cone hat falling on his nose. an hour later, he was thinking about everything that happened, first the Shark, then the guy with the M249, then this... Thing they all seemed like things to him. What was he on the night before anyway? Booze? Crack? I dunno I'm just the narrator. He saw another thing enter with what looked like a dildo the size of a man. In a possibly not altogether there state he drunkenly fled, and fell flat on his nose. He heard a laugh riot, and was currently grasping for a sword, or pike, or spear. all he got was, ironically enough, a beer bottle. He broke it and got into a fighting position. Armed with fighting moves he got from watching Austin Powers(trademark!), he was ready for anything, but a light bash with the back end of a laser rifle. Knocking him out of his trance, he had accidentally been helped.

With eyes on full alert, he threw the broken bottle at a cat and readied his hidden blade. His movements were now fast, fluid, and wolf like, and.. a somewhat harder punch from up close knocked him the hell out ice cold. IN his haze, he could hear concerned voices, definitely a good thing, not the best, but better than evil ones, or past ones. One of them asked the other how hard it punched, the questioned replied, "not hard at all. It would classify as annoying a beetle larva!". It dawned on him that they were wide open, the only thing standing in the way of freedom was, unconsciousness, a dildo wielding jerk, another jerk, and his momma, and a feeling that he might need them or vice-versa. questions on his mind included "who are these idiots" and "who hit me with the gun? " as well as "Why am I so prone to getting knocked out all of a sudden?" he then suddenly remembered he was knocked out, and his mind went blank.

Drage surveyed the area, encountering only a person who just wanted to be alone. "Gah! why is it that people are always trying to disturb me!" the guy asked. "Well sorry but I'm new around here. I'm tryin to find things that won't kill me! Say, you look like a vampire, why's that?" Drage asked the man. "Sadly, I am one. And I must live with that fact my whole lie..." the man responded "You mean life right?" Drage asked "No." The guy shot back. "uh, ok. I'll be going. stay safe." in reality he wish to get as far from him as possible. "Wholly crap that guy was emo.."

"Ya I know, but ya get used to it. Especially when one asks you to deliver a death machine. I ain't ever going there or any place like that." Drage turned towards the voice to see a man wearing caravan clothing, mildly worn, with a small 9mm pistol holstered. "Who are you?" Drage commanded. "Some call me courier 5! But you may call my Wayne." "Wayne!" "uh, Huh?" "What the hell were you doing these last 4 days? this guy was TOTALLY FLIPPING OUT! GAH! Now I see why they chose me to deliver that goddamned package. Now I see why the Goddamned NCR chose me as their sole Backbone, Now I see Why some damned idiot with fireballs orders a piece of crap peashooter when a Fat Man would've did SOMETHING against a proverbial god with a Goddamned wing that's useful for screw all but 'Screw Physics' he says and flies anyway! and worse of all, Some ass with a ridiculously overcompensating horse asks me to kill a planet! Screw that shit! Aggh! I'm going crazy!" Drage couldn't help but sympathize. If what he said was true, then he has seen it all. "Uh, should I be concerned for him or about him? Who was that anyway?" "A legend of the Mojave, Courier 6." Wayne replied. Drage's last question was "What's a Mojave?"

Author's Note: It is really picking up now. After writers block almost killed shark tales too, it is back and ready to kick so much ass that I need new shoe polish. Most of perceived errors are more due in part of the Characters casual way of speaking. all characters mentioned belong to their respective Evil companies. review please!


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